Best Recipe

How to have the BEST day:

  • Discover a new friend. Learn new ways of greeting said friend at decibel levels that the put the entire island's defense force on high alert. Try not to feel a little ill all day each time you remember. Try to uncurl toes which seem permanently crunched in horror. Stop yourself from seeing imaginary new friends in every packet, jar and bowl.

  • Make sure the dog widdles in a child's bedroom and steals and chews and slobbers over her entire soft toy collection. This is an important step. It paves the way for the encore with a steaming pile of number 2's later on that afternoon, on a fluffy bedside rug.

  • It is a good idea to combine the worst possible I-will-not-get-ready-for-school behaviour from your nine year old. Especially enhanced if you can orchestrate a 5.30am wake-up from both her and the 3 year old. This really adds a unique flavour to the mix I find.

  • Have an overtired tweenager return from 5 days away in Malaysia on school camp, staying in a tree house. It helps if she comes back with a bagful of soggy gear that smells like it has been buried in a swamp for a week. And a temper on her like an injured water buffalo. And a cold/sore throat rounds things off nicely.

  • Discover the 3 year old has tipped grated parmesan cheese and chilli powder onto the kitchen bench and mixed it up in great swirling patterns. Scoop her up and head for a bath before she rubs it in her eyes.

  • Notify dog that now is a good time to stand and lick the kitchen bench.

  • Find water for the coughing dog.

  • Dash back upstairs to haul yelling child out of bath and deal to her offering floating in the water. Disinfect.

  • Clean kitchen floor/bench/dog.

  • Supervise homework, post-camp strepsils/panadol/clean clothes/food.

  • Breathe. Laugh, shakily at first but soon you'll get the hang of making sure it sounds more sincere.

  • Crawl into bed later, much later. Discover someone ate a nutella sandwich and gecko flavoured cookie in your bed. In between your white sheets. Cry just a little. You have to save some tears up for the next day.

  • Drift off into a jerky sleep, filled with weird dreams and grin with undisguised pleasure when child 3 snuggles in at 5.30am in a few hours time.
Honestly, I have tried this method. It really works. You will have the most fun you could possibly, possibly imagine. Try not to shout "Are you kidding me?" too many times. It spoils the moment.

Fiona  – (April 6, 2011 at 4:36 PM)  

Oh Amy, this is so clearly not a laughing matter, yet I have to thank you for this afternoon giggle before I head off to collect my cherubs from school!
Makes my day seem just right by comparison.

Penny  – (April 6, 2011 at 5:40 PM)  

I am filled with absolute certainty that sometime in the future I shall feast on this recipe too.

Widge  – (April 6, 2011 at 7:33 PM)  

I'm laughing. I'm sorry. But you tell it so well it's impossible not too. and because I know it could be me tomorrow....
Malaysia for school camp!?!? wow.

Gail  – (April 6, 2011 at 9:42 PM)  

I love your sense of humour/not humoured at all style hon.
I'm not liking your new friend. Tell it to take a hike or give it to the dog - moving toy.

Sj  – (April 6, 2011 at 11:10 PM)  

oh amy you are a gift!
love your candid writing approach to the mountain of a day you experienced. was wondering how much fun it would be to feed the gecko thing to the dog infront to help you feel a little better?! maybe the dog doesn't deserve that after it's naughty day. hope it's a more peaceful day tom xx

Lyns  – (April 7, 2011 at 7:57 AM)  

Oh poor you! Hope tomorrow is a much much better one. Hang in there xx

Meghan at MNM's  – (April 7, 2011 at 12:40 PM)  

Oh lordy. That was a king of a mountain day to get through! I'm sure it felt somewhat?! (I hope!) therapeutic writing this post.

I especially liked the 'Are you kidding me?' bit at the end.

Hope today is much much much better :-)

Penny  – (April 8, 2011 at 6:57 PM)  

Seriously all in one day?! O my goodness.
Yes hoping today is much better too.

paige  – (April 11, 2011 at 2:58 AM)  

oh my!!
i think the nutella snack in the white sheets is what would seal the edeal for moi!

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