Missing: One Brain

My laptop curled up its toes and died last week. Along with it went my last shred of humour.

However, this warm wet morning saw a flash of brilliance descend upon me. I blame the coffee, or the high gained from the grim satisfaction of fully cleaning my kitchen before 8am (this ridiculous endeavor to spite the colony of red ants that I play pest-chess with).

Staring at my iPhone, I belatedly realised that I could probably download an app to make virtual blogging from my phone a possibility. Not to add anything to your lives, but to greatly add to mine.

And so here I am at the end of week 3 in my new space. It has been a time pocked with emotional adversity and my brain folded its wings and said "well that's that" in a rude and unkind way, forcing me to navigate witlessly.

I have been lost more times than I can count, sometimes even physically. Defeating the ants with my spindly purple mop dunked into one of the kid's beach buckets and taking possession of a working washing machine have brought surprising solace (brain rolls eyes).

Lack of sleep with sick babe and the absence of the home stuff around us that we use hundreds of times and take completely for granted has had a weird levelling effect. No phoneline, no computer and an inappropriate wardrobe has forced a quietness in me where words wither like useless feet in paralysis. There is nothing to do but wait. My husband has had to travel away this week so even more than normal, the shutters came down on my thoughts and the rubber gloves went on instead.

I have met a few lovely new people, stared at them blankly and wondered how to conduct reasonable conversation. I have been shown some amazing kindnesses, to which I have been so grateful and yet cannot fathom how to uncover myself to a level where others can actually see me.

I am stiff and wombly inside and it is fearfully stifling but we are closer to unwrapping ourselves I think. Our container of furniture arrives next week. I will be getting a replacement computer as soon as I can and we will continue to pursue getting to know others and then perhaps I can entice Brain back and feel more like my old self.

I have missed reading you all, you are thought of and loved, especially my real bloggy friends and fam.

Simoney  – (August 20, 2010 at 2:59 PM)  

Ahhh Amy, your words paint pictures even if your computer can't.
You are thought of and loved andmissed here too.
Just this morning I spoke of you and pulled a sad face and missed you out loud.

Sammy  – (August 20, 2010 at 8:18 PM)  

Hey Amy love, you are missed. And little by little you will uncover yourself and make those frienship connections- you just can't not. You are the type of person that attracts people, you attracted me xx

Sj  – (August 20, 2010 at 8:46 PM)  

hey my friend, would love to call, can you email me your phone no if at all poss? Love you, a lot. sez

paige  – (August 20, 2010 at 9:43 PM)  

hi sweet amy

i love how your friend described that your words paint pictures even
if your computer can't.

thinking of you :)

Cat  – (August 20, 2010 at 11:15 PM)  

glad to hear you have been shown kindness Amy
love and light

p. –   – (August 22, 2010 at 5:18 PM)  

the shutters came down on my thoughts and the rubber gloves went on instead.

I love that phrase, doesn't that just sum up life? I was just looking at a pic of my sister in law with her first baby, she looks tired, shocked, surreal and all those emotions, then i read this and I thought its kind of the same, so many news things around, so much going on that you can't quite comprehend it all. In a period of time, you will see someone else new to a place, you will see the same look in their eyes and then you will see how far you have come.....and sigh with relief that you have made it through the transition period of one phase into another phase.

Lyns  – (August 23, 2010 at 7:25 AM)  

hi Amy, thinking of you as you go through this tough stage xx

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