Real Monday

Dawn from our place, taken by Greg

It is insanely early. Yet I will need to get up soon. The big guy left a while ago for a domestic flight and I breathe through the weariness over my morning tea. Autumn is here, a chill in the early air that for me brings with it a wave of sadness. I will miss the softness of summer mornings and nights, and how I feel more alive when I am warm. But at our house, on many different levels, we are embracing the new, despite the discomfort.

My big girl is on such a journey of discovery, one that is stretching her understanding and forcing the divide between childhood and responsibility. I want to pack up my family and live glorious, trouble free lives somewhere - lose the demands and live dreamily. But the reality is that doesn't exist anywhere, and we know we are living the life we are meant to be.

For all of us, it is a stretch. When I look into Kenzie's troubled eyes I wince, and remember what being faced with the end of easy-street feels like, how deep the shock to young bones a great discomfort is. The missing of home and of feeling alienated and alone. How big sad can feel. And I want to stoop and rescue and wave my wand and say I am going to change everything so that she does not have to feel this pain. I want to turn her pumpkin into a carriage. Its me that wants to live the fairy dream! I want to be the fairy godmother.

It's me that doesn't want to grow up.

But, sigh, perfectly idyllic childhoods don't prepare kids for life.

Nor do they do anything for parents other than get them a temporary holiday from having to grow up either.

So in the meantime, while we hold, and watch and soothe, we watch summer fade with its easy light and wrap arms and love around each other as winter begins to unfold.

I am not blind to the beauty of winter. But it is hard earned.

Cat  – (March 15, 2010 at 8:07 AM)  

So beautifully written Amy and so very close to my heart as well. As I watch my Rock Star go through the teen years....years that were difficult and dark for me...watching him go through it seems even harder. I, like you, want to scoop him up and carry him away from these difficult and stretching years.
But alas he is taller than me by 5 inches and weighs more, so the physically reality of me scooping him up no longer exists. lol

I receive a daily parental encouragement via email and this is one I received about a week and a half ago that really shifted something in my heart:

Do you believe that God is just as concerned about your teen as you are?
Sometimes a parent’s protection over their teen is motivated by fear, not by faith. And here’s what happens when you overprotect your teen. You project that the world is more mysterious and powerful than it actually is. And that God is evidently not as powerful as the forces of evil.
No wonder so many kids today choose the dark side — to protect themselves! They want to be on the side of power, not weakness. So, begin today demonstrating that to your teen in what you say and do. And talk about God’s mighty power every chance you get. Doing so will help them pick the right side to be on when the going gets tough.

I decided after reading this to shift my fear to faith...daily reminding myself to do so, and realize God walked me through my time and most certainly will do the same foe my son who is His son first.
Not to say that it is not a stretching journey for myself, as it so is. The love I feel for him is so much bigger than myself and it all gets overwhelming sometimes.
There is beauty in winter...it is just a little bitter sweet.
We are coming into the spring of life,were inspiration seems easier to find in the new life of possibilities. So if you need a reprieve come on over for a visit, you are always welcome.
Walking this road with you sister
love and light
C

sarah  – (March 15, 2010 at 8:08 AM)  

I often wonder what adult life would be like if everyone, or even just some people, had a perfectly idyllic childhood. I think it would become idyllic too. Our society just assumes life is hard, and so we have to toughen children up. It seems a self fulfilling prophecy to me.

But it's how it is and our children just have to get through it :-( I'm sorry for your girl. And for you, knowing how it must hurt you too.

Beautiful photo. I am glad to welcome autumn, but it carries with it a little thrill of fear of the winter too.

FaerySarah  – (March 15, 2010 at 9:52 AM)  

yes, beautifully written. And oh to live dreamily - yes please!

that pic is lovely, i love how green the grass goes in that light. so magical!

Simoney  – (March 16, 2010 at 8:02 PM)  

Loving this post Amy. Big hugs to you. x

Penny –   – (June 14, 2010 at 10:28 AM)  

"But, sigh, perfectly idyllic childhoods don't prepare kids for life."

so true.... I heard a parenting expert say even if you create the perfect environment and raise the perfect child...you will cause more problems because that perfect child will live in an imperfect world..... gives me hope that my imperfect parenting might just be okay.... :)

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